Indefinite Relationship

I have spent my whole life in pursuit of consciousness and recently I went through an Olympic-level gold medal journey of consciousness with marriage as the arena. At the heart of that journey, was my willingness to lose it all, and in that willingness I was able to reset our relationship into something fresh and new, something greater.

When we look at a traditional marriage, it is often built on stability, on a commitment to holding things in place so you never have to fear losing your spouse and the life that you have built together. From that energy, many people may ask, “How can you have a relationship if you’re willing to lose it at any moment?”

For me, honestly, the question is, “How do you have a relationship, if you're not willing to lose it all?”

Relationships are something that have always been really important to me. I love having people in my life, in my space and home. Hosting dinner parties and having adult sleepovers are things that I thrive on. In my world, a marriage and a sexual relationship is just so fun and generative and playful. It makes my life greater. 

And… I've been with my husband, Anthony, for 10 years. In that time, I structured the hell out of the relationship. Maybe you know what it’s like — at some point we began to fit our roles, and to live with these guidelines of relationships. Things started to die, become stale and get more and more boring. Our sex life started to diminish and become less. Without realizing it, we decided that because we're in a marriage, that means X, Y and Z, and we have to act a certain way, we have to fight a certain amount, and all of those other “normal” things. A structure is solid and immovable. It cannot change or grow. Was this the kind of marriage that I had been asking for?

I truly realized that I had to be willing to lose the relationship in order to actually, truly have it. Only in consciousness can things continuously expand and become greater because consciousness is the most valuable thing in my life. I know that there's something greater if I let it go. That has to include this beautiful man that I married and the relationship we have created together, the home, the family, the kids and more. If I am not willing to allow consciousness to infuse that, if I am afraid to step beyond the limits of my control, then how small do I have to keep my marriage and my life?

I have put the tools of Access Consciousness® to work for so long in my life that I know that if I will relax the tight grip of control and relax into trusting consciousness and myself, then miracles are possible. I've seen it happen. I've done it a bunch of times.  When I let go of something and I'm willing to lose it, whatever shows up afterwards, is better. Marriage or no marriage, relationship or no relationship, I just know it's going to be better, because everything that I've let go of becomes better. Knowing that is a muscle that I have built and continue to strengthen. Like the old adage says, “If you love it, let it go, and it's going to become greater. It will come back to you, greater.”  

Through my brave choices and with the advice of my dear friend, Gary Douglas, I again stepped beyond the edge of my security and really shook things up with my marriage. It was really sparked by my commitment to my own life and my insatiable desire for greater. It honored how dearly I love this man that I married and it honored me and all that I know is possible. There were no guarantees about what my choices would create, I just knew that whatever it looked like, it would be greater for everyone. 

Being willing to destroy and uncreate the relationship and lose it gave me the choice to actually be present with what is really going on. It allowed me to show up in my own life, with Anthony, with the kids, with all of it. How can I create the life that I desire if I don’t allow myself and those who are dear to me to grow and change? That dynamic presence is the creationship I am asking for.

When you are unwilling to lose someone, are you creating a greater future or are you fighting to hold the past in place?  

*I told the full story in so much detail on my latest As Trophy Wives, What is Required of Us monthly membership call. You can check it out HERE.