Trophy Wife Blog

When you hear the term Trophy Wife, what do you think of? What do you picture?  It’s a loaded phrase that conjures up so many judgments.

To me, years ago, it meant a young woman who looked like a playboy bunny with exaggerated curves in all the right places wearing a pink velour tracksuit married to an older man.  She was his trophy wife.  A trophy wife was something to be despised, looked down on and I decided "Ew! I will never, ever be that."

Fast forward 20 years and here I am, a vivacious young woman married to an older man.  All I need is a pink track suit and a pushup bra.  Have you ever noticed that one of funny ways the universe works is when you decide that you will never be or do something, you can end up smack in the middle of the thing you’ve been resisting.  

The magical ways of the universe are something that I was not educated in as I grew up so as an adult, I have often turned to my friend and mentor, Gary Douglas, to help me to see things from other perspectives and to think way outside the box.  Gary is the founder of Access Consciousness, a modality that has provided me with the tools that I have used to elevate my life and living.  

Gary has this marvelous way of taking things that are seen as wrong and judged and flipping them around to see the true freedom and possibility.  He is always asking me to do and be something totally different with every part of my life, including being a trophy wife.  

He has invited me to flip ‘trophy wife’ on it’s head, to step beyond judgment and conclusion (my own and everyone else).   Without judgment, there is a possibility that has nothing to do with age difference and is all about being loving and kind and honoring.  These elements are scarce in this world and people need them.  When you look at most relationships, do you see kindness?  

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I recently had a conversation with Gary about this topic and here are my top three takeaways, trophy wife flip tips 🙂

1. A good trophy wife will always look at the judgment she has and decide whether she wants to keep those. Because if you have judgments, judgments are going to kill your relationship, not create it.
2. Dignity. That’s what we’ve given up in order to have judgment. We give up dignity in order to have judgment. We don’t look at: what would make me more dignified than everybody else?
3. What else is possible? And that’s the thing you’ve gotta live by: what else is possible? What else is possible here? What else can I be or do? What else is truly available that I haven’t considered?

I have had many conversations with Gary about this topic and I wanted to share some snippets from our most recent.  

Julia: Can you talk a little bit about the things that we are not willing to be? Because I know that I was like ‘no, I will not be that.’ But I was that! And we do that in a thousand, billion different areas.”

Gary: It’s because you don’t want to see what you really are.  If you decide that being a trophy wife is a wrongness, then you have to prove that you’re not a trophy wife.   How do you do that?

Julia: I woke up this morning and I was so aware of how I created so much of my life based on judgment: against judgment, for judgment, having it in all these different areas of my world.  It was my whole world all outside of me and I’m like- it just shocked me! And then somehow this morning it came and I could see all the judgment and I was asked, ‘do I really want this?’

Gary: “Now we’re talkin’! But see, a good trophy wife will always look at the judgment she has and decide whether she wants to keep those. Because if you have judgments, judgments are going to kill your relationship, not create it.”

Julia: All these movies that I’m watching from the 1930s, 1940s, 1950s, they’re just so lovely. Everybody has a totally different sense about them. There’s dignity.

Gary: Yeah, dignity. And that’s what we’ve given up in order to have judgment. We give up dignity in order to have judgment. You don’t look at what would make me more dignified than everybody else.

Julia: That’s beautiful. In this reality that would look like richer, or more powerful, or more superior, and you turn it and you look at it beyond this reality and it’s dignity.

Gary: Yes. If you go for dignity, and the thing is most people think trophy wives are not dignified. A trophy wife that’s dignified is never treated like a trophy wife, she’s treated like a prize that somebody got for being good.